Morning Time | E. Tyler Rowan

Unbalanced… (continued)

This is continued from Monday’s post, Unbalanced Balance.

For some time now I’ve had a little ache inside. I’m quite certain that ache is caused by the emptiness I feel when my relationship with God isn’t as rich and full as it’s been in the past. When you’ve had “great, fantastic, wonderful, amazing” it’s hard to settle for “mediocre.”

All I knew was that I had to escape from the work of the retreat so that I could hear God’s voice speaking to my heart.

My afternoon hours were spent in the prayer room, in my bed, and outside walking. The entire time – even those 15 minutes of the most restful, refreshing nap I’ve ever had – spent in intimate communion and conversation with my Daddy. Oh, how I’d missed that! The funny thing is, no one else on the retreat team even noticed I was gone.

Mostly, I talked to God about finding balance in my life. About putting Him and His priorities first. About how I’ve been feeling overwhelmed ever since I started working, and it just seems I can’t get on top of everything. About how disappointed I sometimes feel that I’m not yet seeing growth in the speaking and writing ministry that He called me to.

One question Sandy encouraged us to ask God was, “What is it You want me to prayerfully neglect for this season?” So I asked Him. Here are some of the things He said to me…

Do not neglect preparing a healthy supper for your family. You know that this is important to your husband, and you will bless him and your marriage by taking care of your family in this way.

I kinda argued with God about this one. It’s been my biggest struggle since I started working, and it feels impossible. He told me to stop whining, discipline myself, and do a meal plan. (Don’t you just love how God speaks to us in a way we understand?!)

Do not neglect writing and speaking, but especially writing on your blog. I did call you to a ministry, but I’m the one who will determine its growth rate. Continue to be faithful to minister to the women I place in your path, both in person and online. The growth will come in My time.

Again, I tried to argue. It’s so hard to find time to blog, and I’ve been having trouble focussing my thoughts in to something worth writing. He reminded me that I didn’t have this problem when I was rising at 5:30am instead of hitting snooze until 6:30am. (Ouch!)

Do not neglect your work, which is also an important ministry I’ve called you to. Do not allow a spirit of confusion to divide your attention, distract you, and keep you from giving your all at work.

I didn’t argue with this one. I’ve been feeling torn, like a failure at home and wondering if I should even be working. Yet knowing that God placed me in this job and that I love it.

Finally, I decided to remind God that I was asking Him what I should prayerfully neglect and He kept pointing out things that I wasn’t giving my best to. You know, in case He didn’t notice that. LOL!

Clear as day, I heard these words in my heart, I didn’t ask you to plan this retreat. In fact, I didn’t ask you to become involved in the leadership of your church’s women’s ministry at all. That, my daughter, is an area you can prayerfully neglect for this season.

With those words from Him, a weight lifted from my soul, and my heart jumped with thanksgiving and praise for His name. He is the God who speaks!

In case I needed reassurance of God’s call on my life, He offered it. The sweet woman who prayed with me in the prayer room later came and shared a verse that God had placed on her heart for me…

Jeremiah 1:5 (NLT)
I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my spokesman to the world.

I’ve never read those last nine words before. Not once have I noticed them! God’s Word, it never goes stale; it’s fresh and new every time you read it and take it to heart.

And so, as I continue through this season of life – a season that looks unbalanced in many ways – I do so with the assurance that God’s got every bit of it in His hands.

Question: In what ways does your balance appear unbalanced?

Filed Under: blogging, His Word, listening to God, ministry, morning time, my walk, real life, speaking, writing April 11, 2012 By Tyler Rowan 3 Comments

A Glimpse of God’s Power

Yesterday, one of my children was arguing with me about wearing shorts to school. This morning, I awoke to six inches of fresh snow on the ground.

The weather can turn on a dime, especially here in Alberta. And it has been one of the most odd winters I’ve ever experienced.

There are some things that simply speak to me of God’s power. Mountains, for example. It’s impossible for me to see a mountain and not think of God and His wonders. Tornadoes – same thing. But I’ve never really ‘seen’ God in the random weather patterns I’ve grown so used to. Until this morning.

It wasn’t the snow. Nor the rapid drop in temperature. But as I sat in my little red chair during sunrise, I was completely awestruck by a flash of lightning and a booming clap of thunder.

God. The One who created the earth and everything on it. The One who commands the wind and snow. Who can turn the weather on a dime. He can even bring a thunderstorm in the midst of a snowstorm.

God. The God who is in control of my life, my breath, and my being. His power knows no bounds.

Wow.

What things make you see and experience God?

Filed Under: faith, morning time, writing April 5, 2012 By Tyler Rowan 3 Comments

Life is Loud

The quiet place.

Do you have one?

Our lives are loud. Our lives are fast-paced. Our lives are full.

But all the noise and chaos make it difficult to hear God’s gentle whispers.

Do you feel like you can go days on end without really connecting with Him?

I do. That’s why I need my quiet place.

It’s not so much a location as it is a time of day. It’s not so much about making space in my schedule as it is about making space in my heart.

I’ve heard it said that you can tell where a person’s heart is by looking over his bank statements. In our day and age, and in particular for women, I think you can tell a lot about where her heart is by looking at her calendar.

The heart is deceitful. It will lead us to love and seek after all the wrong things. And so we pursue the impossible dream of being her. She might be superwoman. She might be the woman next door. No matter who she is, chances are that she is busy. But she handles it so well. Better than we do. And our deceitful hearts make us love the image of her.

If we don’t take time in the quiet place, we risk losing ourselves in pursuit of becoming her.

My quiet place is in my little, red, Ikea chair. In the corner of my front living room. I have a table, a lamp, a coffee, a book, my Bible, and a pen. I usually have a throw blanket, too. My quiet place is there only for a short time, in the dark hours before 6:30 am, before the chaos and noise of my life begin. And in my quiet place, He teaches me.

He teaches me how to love Him more than I love the idea of being her. He teaches me to be comfortable being me and serving Him in the way He designed me. He teaches me to press pause on the frenetic pace of life so that I can hear His voice. And the amazing thing is – if I go to my quiet place before my day begins, I can hear His whispers to my heart all day long. No matter how loud, how busy, how crazy the day becomes, I hear Him.

But if I don’t start out in that quiet place… If His voice is not the first one I hear in the morning… The noise of the world dominates my day with ease. I hear the demands of work, the needs of children, the noise of life, and I can’t discern His voice in the midst of it.

I need my quiet place. Not because it’s a special place or a special time of day, but because it’s a meeting with a special Person.

You need a quiet place, too. Do you have one?

Filed Under: morning time, my walk, writing December 6, 2011 By Tyler Rowan 3 Comments

The Secret Formula to Knowing God

These days, my morning time consists of reading a brief devotional, spending time in prayer, and some days reading from the Bible.

There have been seasons where I’ve worked on Scripture memory (that fell by the wayside when I started working). Other seasons where I’ve worked through Bible study homework (thank you, Beth Moore). And some seasons where I’ve totally focussed on resting in God’s presence and listening to Him.

For the perfectionist in me, these shifting seasons are difficult. I want my checklist, and I want to complete everything on it every morning. (Yes, I said morning! I can’t even wrap my head around the idea of it being another time of day.) My default mode is to follow the formula. But I know that there’s no secret formula to relationship with God.

The secret is this – show up. Show up for time with God, have an open and thankful heart, be ready with an obedient spirit, and be there.

Do you have a daily time with God?

Do you prefer morning, evening, or somewhere in-between?

What do you do? (How do you connect with Him?)

Do you (like me) struggle with wanting a set routine and a checklist?

Filed Under: morning time, my walk, real life November 23, 2011 By Tyler Rowan 2 Comments

Linger

Some mornings (especially Mondays), I wake with a feeling of urgency. I feel like the Rabbit on Alice in Wonderland, “I’m late, I’m late…” My quiet time is fragmented by wandering thoughts.

I needed this word so desperately this morning…

Linger in My Presence a while. Rein in your impulses to plunge into the day’s activities. Beginning your day alone with Me is essential preparation for success. A great athlete takes time to prepare himself mentally for the feat ahead of him before he moves a muscle. Similarly, your time of being still in My Presence equips you for the day ahead of you. Only I know what will happen to you this day. I have arranged the events you will encounter as you go along your way. If you are not adequately equipped for the journey, you will grow weary and lost heart. Relax with Me while I ready you for action.
(Ephesians 2:10; Hebrews 12:3)
~ Sarah Young, Jesus Calling

I believe God intended these words for you, too, this Monday morning. Nothing I have to say is more important than Father God’s reminder to linger with Him.

You are precious in His sight,

Filed Under: morning time, my walk October 31, 2011 By Tyler Rowan 1 Comment

Potty Training and Jesus

Potty Lessons

Each time I potty train a child, it feels like the first time. As though I’ve never done it before, I don’t know where to start, and I am terrified! Not so much terrified that my child will still need diapers in college, but terrified of all the hard work, the messes on floors, and the inevitable frustration that comes when a child just won’t “get it.”

But eventually, in spite of my complete lack of confidence, each child does reach a place of fairly consistent success. I don’t want to get ahead of myself here, but there is a good chance we have found that joyous place with Malakai (2)!

He was awesome with the peeing in the toilet – virtually no accidents even from day 1. But the pooping thing – he was not getting it. Every single day I was greeted with the foreboding words, “Mama, I poop-ah in my undawayre.” Then, to add to the adventure, Kai decided that it was probably easier on him if he simply whipped down his pants wherever he was to go pee (yard, basement, sister’s bedroom, Grandma’s house, trampoline, etc.). I do believe we mastered the willful urination on public property with a handy little happy-face/ sad-face system. Butt, the other end of things remained problematic (pun intended). That is, until yesterday. And again this morning – twice in a row. Successes in succession give a Mama hope!

So you’re probably wondering what all this has to do with Jesus. While I know it’s crazy to take a spiritual analogy from potty training, I just can’t help myself!

Jesus Lessons

How to “train” ourselves for successful spiritual growth:

1. Keep practicing.
- In potty training and spiritual growth, the old saying is true, “practice makes perfect.”

2. Rewards.
- Kai has a package full of matchbox cars on top of the refrigerator. In order to get a car, he first has to poop on the toilet. Just as Kai needs to do his job BEFORE he receives the reward, so too should we put our time with Jesus before the things we do for ourselves. (For me, I don’t let myself sit down at the computer until I’ve had my quiet time.)

3. WANT it.
- Those of us who’ve been around children or parents have likely heard someone offer the following potty training wisdom, “He’ll potty train when he’s ready.” Practicing and rewards will only get Kai so far; eventually he needs to go on the toilet because he wants to, because he knows it’s best, and because it feels good. This will happen the more times he does it. At first our quiet time and Scripture memorization may feel like “hard work.” We will need to try over and again to get it right. We will need to reward ourselves for doing well. But one day, we will find ourselves growing! Then we will WANT to have our time with Jesus, we will DESIRE to know His Word in our hearts, and doing things otherwise will feel unnatural.

You know what else potty training has to do with Jesus? It is only through Him that we parents find the strength to persevere through the puddles in every room of the house and the nasty underpants clean up to reach the finish line. Only through Him that we keep our sanity!

I press on toward the goal to win the prize… ~Philippians 3:14a

Filed Under: Malakai, morning time, motherhood, my walk, parenting, potty training, real life, writing August 10, 2010 By Tyler Rowan 1 Comment

Random Excuses for Neglecting my Blog

- It has been warm and sunny. Given our long Alberta winters (and the fact that we had snow AGAIN just last week), I’d rather be sitting out in the sunshine.

- I have been earnestly seeking God in my mornings, but still sleeping in later than I’d like, so after my God time I have no blog time left.

- We have been RV shopping, both online and in person. I never realized what a stressful decision this would be!

- We have been busy moving a new (to us) play centre and playhouse into our yard, and then busy watching the kids make it worth every single penny. (I use the term “we” loosely. Several strong men did the heavy lifting, but I was a darn good supervisor!)

- My mom has been making me do yard work. (ugh)

- I spent the entire day yesterday having Bible study with friends followed by coffee with friends. We were having the best visit ever, and I even forgot to take Malakai home to nap!

- Pat and I have been completing application forms to go to Haiti with our “old” church (October, 2010).

- I’ve been planning our family getaway to beautiful British Columbia, researching things to do while we’re there. And yes, I have been mapping out the drive and planning all of our stops. It’s a disease!

- I have been enjoying some darn good reading:

* This Present Darkness (Frank Peretti) – For years, I have heard friends rave about this book. I avoided it, though, because I wasn’t too sure how my imagination would handle a novel about the battle between the spiritual forces of good and evil (angels and demons). All I can say is WOW! What a fantastic story!

* If You Want to Walk on Water, You’ve Got to Get Out of the Boat (John Ortberg) – Another one I’ve been putting off, but was assigned to read for my BLAST course. I’m not finished yet, but Ortberg grabbed my attention from the first paragraph. What a call out for Christians to get moving in their faith!

* Take Three (Karen Kingsbury) – I have never read a Kingsbury novel that hasn’t left me with a huge lump in my throat. Somehow she is able to weave together story after story of brokenness and reconciliation and make each one completely unique. I’ve been following the Baxter family for years (like my own little soap opera, but with God and without the mass adultery). I don’t know what I’ll do when/if the Baxter family stories end.

What have you been busy with in the past week or two?

Filed Under: family fun, Haiti, just because, Malakai, missions, morning time, reading, real life May 13, 2010 By Tyler Rowan 4 Comments

How to Repair a Cracked Vase

The fall was a time of some major highs and lows in our family.

Pat gets offered a promotion – high.
We need to move – low.
Asking God to provide and seeing it happen – high.
Settling into new everything – low.
There were, of course, many others, but you get the picture.

Through the entire roller-coaster ride, we leaned hard on God. It was a new thing in our marriage – to pray together – but we pushed through our discomfort and did it, daily. Regardless of my emotions, I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit over every moment of every day.

We are settled into our new life and its routines. The kids seem to be comfortable at their new schools. We have decided to make our new church our “home” church. Along the way we’ve even had a few free moments to make some friends.

But there’s an underlying sense of…something. Sadness? Emptiness? Unfulfilled-ness? (Yes, I do realize that’s not a word!) There’s this thing that’s nagging at me. God feels far away. I know that He didn’t take a step back from me, which means I’m the one that moved.

Last year (2009) I memorized 24 Scripture verses; this year, zilch. Last fall our family was a family of prayer – Pat and I prayed together, we prayed with the kids, we prayed with friends, we prayed over every single decision; this year, at least we still pray at mealtimes and bedtimes with the kids. Last year I committed to getting up at 5:30am for my quiet time with the Lord and I rarely missed a morning; this year I rise a little bit early on random days and try to squeeze in a few minutes. I used to be responsible for mentoring many other women in their walk with the Lord, and I took that calling seriously; without that level of accountability I have allowed myself to slack off.

Just as it is no surprise that I gained back all my lost weight when I decided to “take a break” from exercising and eating well, I shouldn’t be surprised that taking a break from vital spiritual habits has placed distance between me and God.

So here I am, working to piece together the fragments of my faith. I am like a vase that developed a hairline crack, and as time wore on little shards of clay fell out here and there. Not broken, not destroyed, but fractured and in need of repair.

How to Repair a Cracked Vase:

Step one: Pick up the section of the vase that seems easiest to fit back into place. For me, this means returning to the basics of Scripture memory.

Step two: Be generous with the crazy glue and hold it there until it dries. I need to allow the Holy Spirit to do His work settling the Word of God in my heart and mind.

Repeat steps one and two until each segment and sliver of clay is picked up off the floor. A few of the larger chunks I can see are morning time, praise, and prayer. It’s the smaller fragments, though, that will take great concentration to fit back into place. Things like a hunger for God’s Word, peace in my soul, and sensing those little nudges from the Holy Spirit.

While the vase may never be restored to its original beauty, it will be whole again. The shadow of those cracked places will forever be a reminder of what caused the vase to crack and the hard work invested in its repair. And those cracks, they will serve to let the Light shine through a little bit more than it did before the fracture happened.

Filed Under: faith, family, His Word, marriage, ministry, morning time, moving, my walk, real life, writing May 5, 2010 By Tyler Rowan 5 Comments

It’s What You Do

I have seen examples in my children that the things I do hold much more weight with them than the things I say. Some instances are eye-opening and reveal to me changes I need to make (ie., when I hear my kids yelling at one another, I know that they are echoing my actions, and often my very words). This morning, though, I received the gift of seeing something I do right (not always, but apparently often enough that it’s had an impact).

Wrapped in a blanket, cup of coffee in hand, Bible at one side and study book across my lap, I was having my morning quiet time. A little person emerged – far too early, in my opinion – and sat on the other couch. My little people know that mommy’s quiet time is not to be interrupted, and that they must wait until I’m done or taking a break to ask me a question (and they must wait until I’ve moved to the office to blog before the TV gets turned on). For a minute or two, my child sat silently.

The next time I looked up, I noticed that the little person had sneaked away so quietly I hadn’t noticed. I smiled, and assumed that there was some reading or colouring going on elsewhere in the house. Only a moment later, though, my offspring reappeared – plunked on the couch, opened up a children’s Bible and one of my old Women of Faith study guides. Looking over, I noticed that the study guide was turned the the second chapter, and it appeared that chapter one had been completed in childish script.

Together, we spent the next half hour in silence, each completing our respective Bible studies.

Filed Under: morning time, motherhood, parenting February 3, 2010 By Tyler Rowan 6 Comments

When I Wander

I have sometimes heard – even been one of those who has said – when we are not walking in God’s will for our lives, our ears become deaf to His voice. Somewhere, in the recesses of my mind, I have believed that God will not heed my prayers if I am knowingly in sin.

In the silent hour of this dark morning, though, I felt His presence.

And far, far away from His will is where I have been.

If our children are rebellious and disobedient, but they come to ask us for food, for a hug, to talk a minute – do we cross our arms and turn away, pretending as though we cannot hear their pleas? Of course not! If our love for our own children is too great to ignore them when they come to us, don’t we know that our Father’s love for us is that much greater?

For some weeks now – in spite of knowing the call on my life to commit each day to the Lord through prayer and praise, the reading of the Word, and listening for His voice – I have neglected my time of communion with Him. If His will for me is to spend time each morning in His presence, not doing so means that I am walking in sin. And yet, even in my sin, I hear His voice. Without a thought of repentance, continuing in my sin, I cry out to Him in prayer and sense His presence.

Though I have wandered, He comes with me. What a precious gift to find that I was wrong all along!

Humbled by His love and grace, my heart is turned. An extra hour of sleep no longer holds more appeal than communing with the God who loves me, hears me, and answers me – no matter how far I wander.

Call to Me and I will answer you… ~Jeremiah 33:3a

Filed Under: His Word, morning time, my walk January 18, 2010 By Tyler Rowan 4 Comments