Asked and Answered

One question I’ve been asked several times (thanks to the re-entry letter sent out by our missions coordinator) is, “What is the ONE thing in Haiti that impacted you the most?”

At first, I struggled to come up with an adequate answer. To narrow it down to only one thing felt impossible. There were so many stories! But I began to notice a common thread running through all my favorite stories. Prayer.

We prayed in Haiti, in a way that we’ve never prayed here. We prayed for everything, about everything, over everything. And we saw our prayers answered – repeatedly, immediately, consistently.

Our prayer journey began a few weeks before we left, as team members began to struggle against attack. The enemy was hard at work trying to discourage us from stepping out in obedience, and failing that he was happy to distract us from our true purpose. Our team began praying together with the expectation that God would answer. After all, we were heading out into the world at His calling, so there were no doubts that He would give us victory over our struggles.

I can’t speak for everyone on the team, but for Pat and I, as well as a few others that we heard from, those last couple weeks before we departed were a time of inexplicable calm and peace in our lives. Which, considering that the last weekend of January is the culmination of a year’s worth of efforts at my work (requiring a good month’s worth of fuller-than-full-time, focused work), is quite amazing. Co-workers and friends would ask me if I was having crazy, restless dreams about Break Forth and Haiti and I would reply – honestly – that I was experiencing the most restful sleeps of my life for the entire month of January!

Next came the bins of supplies. Fourteen bins, needing to weigh less than 50 lbs each, with enough supplies donated and purchased to fill twenty. So we  told God that they were His supplies, and He needed to make them fit. He did.

We stored the bins in the garage of someone’s home until our departure. Unfortunately, we forgot the keys  to that house. And the homeowners were away on the night/early morning of our flight. And their house was alarmed. So we reminded God that they were His supplies and that He needed to help us access them. He did. Of course, when you’re attempting a break-in at 3am – the exact hour you’re supposed to be gathering with the team – it can be a little stressful (especially for those of us who like to be on time). So we reminded God that we needed to arrive at the airport on time. We did.

Those supplies must have been very important, because some of them were inspected in Calgary, some in Miami, and more at the Port-au-Prince airport. There was one bin containing medical supplies, including syringes and morphine (things that Customs doesn’t take well to being brought across borders). Thirteen of our fourteen bins were opened and searched. When Customs officials put their hands on the last bin, we prayed. They left it sealed and stacked it on our pile.

We brought with us about a dozen bright, green soccer balls. Our hope was to get out in the community, play, and then give away some of those balls. We were cautioned that doing so could be unsafe – that we could be overrun by desperate children, teens, and parents…that small children could get hurt in the process…that turning people away would break our hearts. Our team was confident, though, that God wanted us to give those balls away. So we prayed, we played, and we gave. No mobbing occurred, apart from what is typical (the “Pied Piper” effect). No one was injured. No one was turned away in tears. And one boy, tears leaking down his cheeks, thanked us, “Today, you blessed my life.”

Our team held a rice distribution on the campus, serving the families of the local church. The leftover rice pile was massive! We were brought to a nearby community – what could be called a slum, with huts, houses, shacks, tents, and lean-tos pressed tight together, streets littered with trash, and children barely clothed – and told we would take the rice door to door. When our truck filled with rice pulled up, fear set in. Dozens of Haitians approached from all sides… We prayed. They stood back, many returning to their homes. And we delivered our packages down alleyways and laneways, through tin gates and doors that were merely curtains. Safely. Successfully. Beautifully.

The stories don’t end. God provided goats and families to give them to. He provided the exact school supplies that the school was in need of. He gave us joy during moments of frustration. He provided healing for a workman whose leg was surely broken, except that it wasn’t. He gave a spirit of reconciliation in moments of disagreement. He provided safe travels, preventing the tire blowout until after we were safely delivered to the airport.

We asked. He answered. For anything and everything. In ways I’ve not seen here at home.

I wonder if it’s simply that I don’t pray with utter confidence and expectation. I wonder if it’s because I don’t ask for help in the little things as well as the big. I wonder if I’d see just as many miracles here in Canada…if only I’d ask.

Here are some photos from the rice distributions…




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Where You Are…

What a great way to start the week, with this song in my head…




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Photo Tour of Haiti (Pt 2)

Most days started out with some work on the campus. More digging holes. Also, lots of work on Project #2 – welding the door frames. This photo is captioned ”welding under the mango tree.” You may not know this, but doing anything under a mango tree can be very dangerous! More than one team member had to duck, weave, and take evasive measures to prevent concussion.

The school children on campus headed off to the “bathroom” in the most organized fashion! However, as it turns out – and all in the name of expedience – the preschoolers don’t use the outhouses down the road. Instead, the girls all squat down and the boys unzip on a small hill of dirt.

The best part of our days was always the time spent out in the community.

One day we headed out to pray over the new land – earmarked for the Children’s Village, school, new church, and admin buildings. While we were praying, we were joined by some children. We had the blessed opportunity to pray for them.

There was livestock wandering throughout the landscape. We don’t know how, but apparently everyone knows which animals belong to them – right down to the chickens!

There was usually a soccer game going on somewhere. Often with a flat, old, worn out ball.

And everywhere we went, we were like the Pied Piper, with throngs of children following us, climbing on us, posing for our cameras.




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Photo Tour of Haiti (pt 1)

The title of this post may be a bit misleading. You’re probably expecting photos of the terrain, the people, the traffic… All those things were profound. And I have lots of photos to share along those lines. But right now my memories of Haiti are all tied up in a group of 14 people.

It’s amazing how you can come to love strangers as if they’re family…

Here’s our first morning together, ready to board our first plane in Calgary.

In Miami, we had to find a place to store our supply bins (14 of them), rather than hauling them to our hotel.

We needed one last shot with our sign (Gerald and Blanche get artists’ credit for that) in Miami.

Once we arrived, the girls got settled in to our comfy accommodations. (You don’t want to see a photo of the boys’ room. Honestly!)

Project #1 – Digging holes. These holes will hold the pilings for the staircase of the trade school.

Project #1.5 – Tying rebar. This rebar belongs in those pilings, too.

These were our first couple of days in a glance. More to come, and likely to include the expected shots of the community…




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Today

The New Year’s resolutions I failed to make are taunting me.

- Lose 30 lbs.

- Begin attending women’s Bible study again.

- Pray for my husband every day.

- Pray with my husband every day.

- Pray for and with my children every day.

- Really figure out how to teach our children to be more loving to each other.

- Have a better attitude.

- Get out of debt (starting by developing better spending habits).

I could go on…

I guess that’s why I don’t make “resolutions” at New Year’s. I can’t seem to focus on just one thing. Instead, I feel like I must change my whole life in one fell swoop.

And when I try to change my whole life like that, I inevitably fail.

But if I could just take things “one day at a time…”

So today, I will do my best. Today, I will seek God and ask for His leading. Today, I will pray for my family. Today, I will ask Him to help me make wise choices when it comes to what I eat and what I spend. Today, I will ask Him to help keep my attitude in check.

Just for today.

And if I fail or fall, well, tomorrow is another today.

Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” ~Lamentations 3:22-24




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The Ugly Duckling

Once upon a time… There was a mother duck who hatched some eggs. Out of all the eggs came fluffy, beautiful little ducklings. Except for one. There was one egg that was larger than the rest, grey instead of white, and it took much longer to hatch. And when it finally did, instead of the duckling she expected, the mother duck was surprised to discover a chick with pokey, grey feathers. An ugly duckling.

We all know the classic tale by Hans Christian Anderson. The duckling’s childhood was a sad one, with all the other animals (including her siblings) pointing out how ugly she was. She didn’t fit in with her family. In fact, she didn’t seem to fit in anywhere. Until one day, she grew up to discover that she wasn’t a duck after all! She was a swan. The most majestic of birds, admired by people and animals alike.

She knew who she was, where she belonged, and she realized that she was truly beautiful.

Sometimes, we feel like ugly ducklings. I’m overweight. I can’t bake. I have no special talents. I don’t know what I want to be when I ‘grow up.’ I don’t fit. I’m not sure who I am. And I sure don’t feel beautiful.

Sound familiar?

The problem with these thoughts is, like in the story of the ugly duckling, they’re not true.

The duckling didn’t feel like she belonged because she was looking for her identity in the wrong place. She was trying to understand who she was in the context of the wrong family. Had she discovered the swan family right from the beginning, she would have been assured of her inherent beauty from the moment she hatched.

When we feel like we don’t belong, we’re allowing the wrong family to define who we are. We may look to the family of stay-at-home mothers and see how we don’t quite measure up (especially in the housework department). Perhaps we hang out in the family of fitness buffs and find ourselves falling short of the standard of health and wellness (as we sneak Twinkies after midnight). Some days we try to identify with the super-spiritual, service-oriented, perfect-appearing church volunteer… Next to all these families, we kinda look like an ugly duckling.

But if we could only go to our true family from our infancy! If, instead of looking at various people and people groups for our identity, we sought to understand who we are in God’s family, how different things could be. No matter how diverse we are from our siblings, no matter how different we are from the rest of the world, our Abba would tell us how beautiful we are every day.

And if we chose to listen to His words of affirmation, rather than the opinions of the outside world… We would be transformed! Women who are confident and peaceful shine beauty from within. Whether they are big or small, quiet or loud, funny or serious; whether they stay home to care for their family or work outside the home; whether they do Scripture memorization or talk to God like a casual chum… They appear beautiful because they feel beautiful. And they feel beautiful because they find their identity in the right family.

Ask God if He thinks you’re beautiful, and listen to what He says.

The King is enthralled by your beauty. ~Psalm 45:11

The unfading beauty of a quiet and gentle spirit…is of great worth in God’s sight. ~1 Peter 3:4

He has made everything beautiful in its time. ~Ecclesiates 3:11

How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! ~Song of Solomon 4:1

The LORD your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with his love, He will rejoice over you with singing. ~Zephaniah 3:17

You are precious and honored in My sight, and…I love you. ~Isaiah 34:4

* Adapted from a message I shared in Haiti to the women’s group.




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Living a Life of Risk

You’ve probably heard it said that “The safest place to be is in the centre of God’s will.” I beg to differ.

In fact, I propose that the centre of God’s will is actually a very dangerous place to live.

Safe (adjective): Protected from or not exposed to danger or risk; not likely to be harmed or lost.

To be safe is to be in the seat of comfort. Physical comfort, emotional comfort, spiritual comfort. The place of comfort is a lot closer to the centre of our own will than the will of God.

Physical comfort means I hold onto things tightly – my house, my truck, my extra padding around the middle…

Emotional comfort means I keep a firm grip on my emotions, erect a wall to protect myself from the harm of being hurt by another.

Spiritual comfort means I am satisfied with a one-way relationship with God, where I talk and He listens.

When I read God’s Word, I don’t see any commands for us to be comfortable and safe. Rather, I hear God calling us to be risky. Radical. To grow and be stretched.

He tells the physically comfortable to sell everything, give to the poor, and then follow Him. (Mark 10, Luke 18)

He tells the emotionally comfortable to love without regard for oneself, concentrating on pouring out graciousness to another. (1 Corinthians 13)

He tells the spiritually comfortable to grow up, stop nursing a bottle of milk and eat meat like an adult. (Hebrews 5)

Doesn’t sound very safe at all, does it?

No, the centre of God’s will is anything but safe.

God doesn’t call us to be safe. He calls us to be sacrificial. To deny our own desires for safety and comfort, to take up our own cross – an instrument of severe torture and suffering – and follow in His footsteps.

Then He said to them all: “If anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me…And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.” ~ Luke 9:23 & 14:27

Show of hands… Who’s ready to to live a life of risk, firmly planted in the centre of God’s will?!




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What I’m Bringing Home from Haiti

I miss the Haitian coffee. It was somewhat thick, dark, and very strong, but with a rich, delicious quality to it. In comparison, my coffee these past few days has tasted like flavored water.

I miss the Haitian weather. The air was heavy with humidity, warm, with a slight breeze most days. That weather was a soothing balm to my North American skin. Now, I’m breaking out, I feel dry and itchy everywhere, and my nose is out-of-control with stuffiness!

I miss the Haitian church services. Three times a week, we worshipped. Singing, dancing, clapping, outbursts of prayers, “Amen”s, and Scripture… It was such beautiful cacaphony. Church here is quiet, reserved, conservative.

Some of the differences are striking. And the grass is always greener…

In all honesty, though I miss many things about Haiti, this is home. I could resent it, because it’s not like there. I could feel guilty about it, because it’s so much more than what anyone there has. I could sell it, and try to live more like there. But I won’t do any of those things.

Instead, I will embrace it. Home is here. In His sovereignty, God placed me here. In the land of milk and honey, material wealth, and ten months a year of cold weather – this is where He chose for me to be. So I will open my arms wide and thank Him for every piece of this place – home.

And I must say, after watching the uninhibited worship of the people in Haiti, after seeing their rock-bottom faith in a God who heals and provides in a land of illness and poverty, I think this place is in desperate need of some missionaries. Here, we are too easily entangled in the grip of our ‘things.’ We are not desperate for a God who rescues us from utter desolation. Our wealth can so easily overrun our faith.

So I will begin living as a missionary here at home. Digging deep into my faith, leaning on God for all things, giving Him credit in everything, and being a light to those around me.

We will support missionaries who go out, both short- and long-term. We will connect with our sponsor children with greater intentionality. We will continue to go out on short-term missions ourselves, eventually bringing one or two children at a time. We will grow our worldview and allow God to break our hearts for the broken-hearted around the world. We will make sacrifices so that others may experience the love of Christ.

But we will remain firmly planted where we are, here in Canada. We will ask God to open our eyes to the mission-field in front of us. And we will faithfully use the greatest gift He gave us in  Haiti – the gift of prayer. There we learned to pray expecting an answer. There we learned to pray with mustard-seed, mountain-moving faith.

I’ve no doubt that what we learned there was intended for us to bring here. Because the mission-field here is a path littered with things, toys, possessions, and money… And the only way to make clear the Way is prayer.




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Mini Me

(Late, but never forgotten. For my firstborn daughter’s 10th birthday…)

I have a little “Mini Me” at home. She looks like I did as a child. She enjoys many of the same things I enjoy. And she’s very tender-hearted, as I was.

If you reprimand her, nine times out of ten, my tender heart’s face will fall, she’ll grow silent, and then she’ll take herself into solitary confinement for up to an hour.

If you give her a book, she’ll lose herself in it to the point of exhaustion, staying up too late and rising too early so that she can devour the words.

If you give her pen and a paper (or keyboard and a screen), she’ll string words together, weaving stories of characters she’s conjured in her imagination.

She’s not very concerned with fashion, but would rather wear what’s comfortable.

She despises team sports, favoring physical activities that are more of a personal challenge.

She loves deeply and unconditionally, gives generously, serves others with joy, and does things with excellence.

She’s a bit of a perfectionist, and she often struggles against the urge to completely give up if something isn’t going exactly right.

She cries at sad movies. She cries when she laughs. She sometimes cries just because she needs to cry.

There is something utterly amazing about watching so many aspects of yourself in the body of another human being.

She is my first-born daughter, this “Mini Me.” I love her with all my heart. She sometimes makes me crazy. I think she’s beautiful, both inside and out. And I thank God for placing her in my arms 10 years ago.

You are a blessing and a treasure, Abbey Dawn. Happy birthday!




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Riding the Roller-Coaster

My time in Haiti has been marked by roller-coaster emotions. There have been tears of sorrow, tears of joy, moments of laughter, and vents of frustration – all squashed together into a big melting pot covered by prayer. I hope you’ll indulge me as I share some of those experiences…

Things that brought sorrow:

Seeing people in want – no, in need – of basic necessities. Children playing in the community are clothed in filthy garments (probably their only outfits for the week, with special church clothes set aside for Sundays). Often these children have only a dirt-encrusted shirt and no pants or underwear. Those privileged enough to go to school also have a school uniform, but many are mis-sized, torn, stained, and tattered.

Children at school who do not receive their hot lunch for two days in a row, due to lack of funds.

Children sitting at their desks with no school supplies, while their peers write in notebooks with freshly sharpened pencils. Women who say they cannot come to church because they have no shoes to wear.

Men who carry cell phones and ride motorcycles, but cannot provide food for their families.

What struck me the most in these sorrowful moments was how, in some ways, our cultures are very much the same. (With the exception that North American children don’t generally go bottomless, and for about 8 months of the year, they couldn’t!)

Things that brought joy:

Yesterday, the foreman of the Haitian work crew was injured at another work site. Obviously, not a joyful thing. But every single worker on the Haiti Arise property gathered to pray for Moncello. Fifty or more people stood in a circle, held hands, and cried out to the Lord for Moncello’s healing. Many of the Haitian men could be seen wiping tears from their eyes after the prayer time.

I had the humbling honor of delivering the message in church on Sunday. I was terrified! I’ve never spoken with men in the audience, nor have I spoken with a translator. I stepped up to that podium fully under God’s strength. And the joy that surged through my soul at serving within my gifts kept me floating for hours after!

Laughter:

Our team has had such fun together. We truly enjoy each other, and there is a genuine love among us. Our evening card games can get pretty rowdy. And with a group of fairly competitive people on our team, you can imagine that most every project turns into a challenge. There was a lot of smack-talk going on between the two groups who were preparing the rice distribution bags.

Frustrations:

The most frustrating experience has been how often we are told “No.” Our hearts are to serve in the community, not just on the Haiti Arise campus. But most of our community outreach ideas (such as a soccer game ending with the handing out of soccer balls or the distribution of shoes) are gently shut-down by the leadership here.

Don’t get me wrong – I understand their reasoning. They are looking long-term, with a vision to help the people of Haiti get on their feet and for them to reject a handout mentality. They are also protecting our safety, as they don’t want us to be mobbed by a throng of desperate people. Every “No” has been justified and explained. But it’s still frustrating. And disappointing.

The sketchy internet service here was also a source of frustration for me. I live life twice – once for the experience and again in writing so that I can process the experience. And I love the community of friends that has come around me as I share. I absolutely hate that I’ve barely connected with you throughout this trip. (Apparently the internet was upgraded this morning. Total bummer that it was a week too late for me.)

Prayer:

The highlight of the trip – for me, at least – has been the way we’ve witnessed God’s answers to prayer. We pray, He answers. Over and over again. Every project we’ve embarked on, every supply we’ve unpacked and distributed, every moment of frustration or heartache has been bathed in prayer.

The spiritual lives of our team members are being (and will continue to be) transformed by our time here. People have prayed aloud for the first time. People raised their hands in worshipping the Lord for the first time. People prayed for the healing of others for the very first time.

Pat and I, as leaders, have grown so much! We’ve discovered the blessing of servant leadership by putting the needs of the team before our own needs, and we’ve grown into prayer warriors, who step into every new situation armed.

We all came to Haiti hoping to do some good here, and hoping to be changed by our experiences. I honestly cannot say how much good we’ve done. We did some construction, we equipped some teachers, we played with some children, we prayed over properties and plans, we shared our testimonies… In all these things we’ve no idea what impact they will have. But I am quite certain that all fourteen of us will return to Canada changed for the better.

Will I return to Haiti? I cannot say for sure. I’ll wait on God to provide that answer. Will I do another mission trip? Absolutely, unequivocally, YES.

And for those who are wondering about my biggest fear… Let’s just say we’re praying about it.




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