2011 December | E. Tyler Rowan

Unconditional Love

Last night, as I tucked my “baby” boy into bed, he wrapped his arms tightly around my neck and said, “I’m not yetting doe, Mommy! I’m never yetting doe!” (Translation: I’m not letting go. I’m never letting go.)

I smiled, closed my eyes, and let his love fill me up.

He didn’t care that I yelled at him earlier. He forgot that he’s spent countless hours in time-outs by my hands. It didn’t matter to him whether I cooked dinner, did dishes, or cleaned the house. He wasn’t worried about whether I had been kind to people I encountered that day, or whether I’d spent time in prayer.

He just loved me because I’m his Mommy and He’s my son. He loved me – he loves me – because of who I am, not what I do (or don’t do).

As we clung to each other for those few minutes, I thanked God for my children and for the way that they love me…no matter what. The love of a child is, I think, as close as we’ll get on this earth to understanding unconditional love. I marvelled that God’s love could possibly be better than this freshly-bathed, wiggly, four-year-old’s tight grip.

As He does sometimes when I’m talking to Him, God whispered a reply into my heart.

This is the way I love you. You are my daughter, and I am your Father. It will never matter what you do or don’t do – your actions and choices cannot possibly change My love for you. You could turn your back from Me, immerse yourself in a life of sin, and I would not love you less. Or you could pour all your energies into doing good, and I could not love you more.

My love for you is because of who you are, and has nothing to do with what you do. I’m not letting go; I’m never letting go. My arms will stay tightly wrapped around you, for always.

My sweet friends, some of you are walking through dark and lonely valleys right now. Your celebration of the Christmas season has been tinged with the color of heartache, and it feels like life will never be okay again.

I cannot assure you that your life will get better, that your days will feel brighter and less empty. (My hopes and prayers believe that they will, though!) But I can assure you that you are not stumbling in the darkness alone.

You have a Friend, a Counselor, a Father, and a Guide. He is holding tight to you, with a love that cannot be tainted by anything. His love is wholly unconditional and complete. His arms are locked around you, and His promise to you is this…

I’m not letting go. I’m never letting go.

Filed Under: love, my walk, writing December 30, 2011 By Tyler Rowan 4 Comments

A Really Rowan Christmas

Christmas was fun around here…

We had a special visitor on Christmas Eve (yes, we “do” Santa in the Rowan home). The two youngest were especially impressed, and even though Grandma M. came with him, I don’t think they figured out that Santa was Grandpa G. (Pat’s mom and step-father). We even got the other set of Grandparents (my parents) to sit on Santa’s knee!

Before the chaos (this is about 7am).

Braeden (13) got a Nerf machine gun. It has clips that hold 18 darts. To quote B, “It’s AWESOME!!!”

Megan (8) disappeared all morning as she set up her Zhu Zhu pet hospital.

Abbey (9) is the happiest girl alive! She received her very own Netbook computer.

This Fijit is just about the most annoying toy on the face of the earth. Shea (6) loves it!

Malakai (4) is probably the only preschooler you’ve seen with his very own PSP (Play Station Portable). His brother was almost as happy as Kai about this gift, as he no longer needs to share. (Special thanks to Rob – Pat’s co-worker – who donated this super fab gift to us!)

The recycling pile was about three times the size of the gift pile when we were through.

We had a wonderful family weekend, celebrating the birth of Jesus and spreading joy to one another.

And we’ve had some unbelievable showdowns on Dance Dance Revolution (for the Wii)! Great choice for a family gift, Mr. & Mrs. Clause!

Filed Under: Abbey, Braeden, family fun, Malakai, Megan, Shea December 28, 2011 By Tyler Rowan 2 Comments

Unexpected

As soon as I knew that both Pat and I were heading to Haiti together, the little whispers of worry began…

Short-term missions trips can be on the expensive side. Flights, accommodations, transportation, food, projects while you’re there. It all adds up. And this time, there are two of us going.

Little by little, support came in. Fifty dollars here, one hundred dollars there. But the final goal seemed out of reach. I began checking credit card balances to see if there were any funds we could access, as it was looking like the full amount would not be raised. After all, it’s the Christmas season – people have a lot of expenses, so donating is not on the top of their lists.

I noticed it on Facebook. A friend who sells Pampered Chef products was offering fundraiser parties. But I brushed the idea off. First, I’m really not a fan of home parties. (It’s a self-control thing; I can’t say no and always spend too much money.) Second, how much would we really benefit from a home party? And third, December was coming up fast (busy, busy, busy).

But the silly little note about fundraiser parties kept popping up every time I was on Facebook! So I emailed.

Wouldn’t you know it… She had one party date left that would ensure receiving our products in time for Christmas. And she wasn’t just donating a portion of her profits; she was donating 100%. So I thought, “What the heck!”

No one was more shocked than I when thirteen women walked through my door that day. And another twelve placed orders outside the party. My thinking progressed to, “Well, we might actually raise a couple hundred dollars from this!”

This morning, I have EIGHT boxes (2′ x 2′ x 2′) loaded with product in my dining room. I also have a cheque for $681.90 made out to the church. That’s 17% of our total raised in two hours of social time! My mind is blown.

I just love how God consistently does the unexpected!

Not that His provision was unexpected (because even in my worry I knew deep down that He would provide), but His methods – so surprising!

I also have a confession to make… I really enjoyed myself at the party! I just might attend a few more home parties in the future.

P.S. For those wanting a fundraising update – We have raised what is needed for Pat and I to go on the outreach. Praise the Lord! Any further funds that come in for us will be used on our projects while we’re there. (More about those projects soon.)

Filed Under: blessing, faith, Haiti, missions, my walk, real life December 23, 2011 By Tyler Rowan Leave a Comment

It’s Really Happening

Our flights are booked…

29JAN S CALGARY – CHICAGO

29JAN S CHICAGO – MIAMI

30JAN M MIAMI – PORT AU PRINCE

09FEB Q PORT AU PRINCE – MIAMI

09FEB Q MIAMI - DALLAS

09FEB Q DALLAS - CALGARY

And the weather report says…

Filed Under: Haiti December 21, 2011 By Tyler Rowan Leave a Comment

Love Like a Mother

I prayed for you this morning, as I often do, and asked the Lord what was on His heart. I asked Him to use me to share His words with the women I am blessed to communicate with through this blog.

He told me, “They need to know how much I love them.”

I found that a bit odd. Maybe a bit too elementary. Basic. I mean, we all know that God loves us, don’t we?

God, since He hears my very thoughts before I even form them, answered my question before it formed. He said, “They hear me called ‘Father,’ but so many of them have never known the love of a father. They – and you – are the children of a fatherless generation, where more than half of little girls grew up without a Daddy to love them. They need to know how much I love them.”

Images flickered like a slide show through my mind.

I saw a mother, clinging to her toddler who had snuck out of sight in the shopping mall. She was afraid and relieved all at once, and she held that child tightly, promising herself and the little one that she would never let go. God said, “Tell them I love them like a mother who has just found her lost child.”

I saw a child on the school yard, being teased and tormented by unkind peers. And I saw that child sharing the hurt of the day with her mother. The mother wrapped her arms around that little girl and wept, her heart broken twice over as she wished to take that pain away. God said, “Tell them I love them like a mother who bears her children’s burdens so deeply it breaks her heart.”

I sensed more than saw a child in danger. A dangerous person, rushing traffic, the lure of alcohol and drugs… And before the approaching danger could even get close, the mother stepped in harm’s way to protect her child. God said, “Tell them I love them like a mother who would willingly sacrifice her very life to protect her child from harm.”

I saw an adult child in a courtroom, on trial, being condemned guilty by judge and jury. And his mother sat in the front row, silently sobbing. She reached a hand out as her child was taken away, and she gasped the words, “I love you. No matter what, I love you.” God said, “Tell them I love them more deeply than a mother could ever love her own child. No matter what wrong they have done or are yet to do. I love them.”

I believe that God is a He, and that He is a Father. But for so many of us whose understanding of a father’s love is broken and limited by this fallen, divorced, and abandoned world, we cannot wrap our minds around the vastness of His love. And to us, He says, “I am Father God, and my love for you is like that of a mother for her children. This is how much I love you.”

Oh, how He loves you!

Let His love wash over you, let it envelope you, let it clothe you and comfort you.

(If you are receiving posts by email, you may need to click over to my blog in order to watch and listen.)

Filed Under: faith, love, my walk, writing December 19, 2011 By Tyler Rowan 2 Comments

What is Success?

I’m a results-oriented gal. In order to feel as though I’ve succeeded, something must be accomplished. Not started, not in process, but finished.

In the life of a mother, though, few things are ever truly finished to completion. Laundry piles up faster than it can be done. Crumbs, dust, and dog hair accumulate so quickly that only daily vacuuming would ever keep the floors properly cleaned. Cooking dinner is an activity that repeats itself day after day with no end in sight.

You can see how motherhood could cause a results-oriented girl to feel a bit like a failure. The only solution is to redefine success.

Success now means:

- A public outing where no one vomits, screams, runs away, or sustains an injury requiring emergency care.

- A laundry pile that is shorter than the tallest child.

- The fact that everyone has at least one pair of clean underwear in their dresser.

- Serving food other than take out at least five times per week.

- Small children are bathed frequently enough that they don’t appear to be dirty. (FYI, once a week will probably do.)

- Actual housework is done frequently enough that you can say, “Of course I vacuum!” (FYI, monthly suffices.)

- There are some groceries in the house. Somewhere.

- The noise and insanity is caused by children having fun as opposed to attempting to dismember one another.

- Nothing holding a value greater than $100 is broken in any one day.

- At the end of the day, when all is quiet with children snugly in their beds, you can kick back, smile, and quote the reality TV intro, “It’s a crazy life, but it’s our life.”

Ah, sweet success!

Filed Under: housework, just because, motherhood, real life December 15, 2011 By Tyler Rowan 4 Comments

Live Loved, Be Blessed

I pray that, today, you will experience the blessing of walking in God’s presence. I pray that your moments, your decisions, your actions and reactions, and your interruptions are all marked with His fingerprints. May you know, today, the richness of the Holy Spirit living within you.

I pray that, today, you will find your identity in Christ. I pray that you will be assured of His unconditional love for you, that you will take joy in His handiwork as it is expressed in your shape and size and features, and that you will walk confidently using the gifts He has given you.

Today, I pray for you the same things I ask for myself. Peace, assurance, joy, confidence, and an outpouring of love. May your working moments, your waiting moments, your resting moments, and your rushing moments be in step with Him.

You are precious to Him, and He has a beautiful master plan for you. Not just for your entire life, but for your everyday. Enjoy the adventure of walking in His plan, and may your joy spill over into the lives of each person you encounter.

Live loved, be blessed. You are His.

Filed Under: blessing, my walk, praying for, writing December 13, 2011 By Tyler Rowan 3 Comments

(Im)Perfect Family Devotions

For years, I’ve had a vision of how family devotions ought to be…

The cheery and calm children all gather ’round with their Bibles, waiting eagerly for Mama and Papa to read from the Word. The family takes turns reading, each taking a verse or two until the whole chapter has been read. Then they engage in a thought-provoking, intelligent discussion about the Scriptures, with the children sharing profound insight and understanding of God’s Word. The family prays, each family member speaking poignant words of praise and intercession. Devotions are concluded with the voices of angelic children singing a closing worship song. The end.

Beautiful, isn’t it?

Here’s what family devotions really look like.

The family gathers in the living room, children arguing over who gets to sit where. Mom and Dad call for attention and lead in a decidedly brief word of prayer (if eyes stay closed for too long, someone’s bound to poke, pinch, or push a sibling).

Dad opens the Bible to Genesis chapter 6. It’s been a few weeks of family devotions, but taking it one chapter at a time, two days per week doesn’t move things along very quickly. As Dad begins reading, Mom realizes that the children have ants in their pants.

Mom calls a halt to the proceedings in order to direct the antsy children to the craft cupboard. Perhaps having paper and markers, creating a picture of what Daddy is reading about, will help them to focus. It’s an ingenious idea that works amazingly well…the first time or two, anyway.

Dad reads. Kids listen. Mom shushes the four-year-old who’s never really had to sit still in his life. Mom wonders how long the chapter is.

Time for discussion! Mom asks, “What did you think of that story? Can you imagine how hard it must have been for Noah? Everyone was making fun of him, there had been no rain for years, and yet he obeyed God and built the ark. Do you think it would be scary to be obedient to God even when what He asked you to do didn’t make sense?”

One child nods an answer to Mom’s questions. Another flashes her artwork, “Look! I drew two of every animal. Even fire-breathing dragons!” (At least she heard something.) Another child raises a question of her own, “What did they do with all the animal poop? Wouldn’t that be gross? Oh, and did you ever find out if Adam and Eve had belly buttons?”

The four-year-old begins making shooting noises, aiming the gun he drew at his siblings. Mom shushes him. One kid yells at him to stop. One kid asks for another chapter. Another kid asks, “Are we done yet?”

Dad and Mom give one another a half-smile and a shrug, attempt to quiet the masses, and offer up another decidedly brief prayer. The unspoken prayer in their hearts is that, in spite of the crazy chaos that makes up their family, the children will learn something from this time.

They may not learn a whole lot about the Word of God, at least not yet. But if they learn that their parents put priority on reading God’s Word, if they learn that their parents put priority on spending time with them, if they learn that their parents will not give up on establishing this family devotional time (no matter what distractions the kids attempt), then the time spent has been of value.

And one of the promises God gives is that His Word will never return void. So even if it seems that little learning or understanding is taking place, those parents can rest in God’s promise that His Word is taking root in their crazy, busy, distractible children’s hearts.

Sunday and Tuesday evenings are when we have Bible time in our home. It’s not perfect. But it is real. And it is a beautiful thing, in all its imperfection.

Do you attempt family devotions? What does it look like in your home?

Filed Under: faith, family, His Word, kids, parenting, real life December 12, 2011 By Tyler Rowan 2 Comments

Changing the Way our Family Works

Last week I shared a sermon illustration that really impacted us. After church that Sunday, Pat and I spent a long time talking about what the “big rocks” are in our lives, and how to put them first.

One of our big rocks that tends to get sidelined too often is parenting. Not just plain, old parenting. Obviously we raise our kids, clothe them, feed them, help them with their homework, mediate disagreements, etc. But our goal as parents was never just to “get by” and survive.

We want to thrive. We want to raise our kids to love God and love others. We want to be invested.

But in the reality of daily life, survival can easily take over. Because investing can take a fair bit of energy, and the selfish us prefer to be lazy.

So we asked ourselves, How do things get done around here? The answer – if it’s on the calendar, it’s booked, scheduled, and written in stone.

Since we turned off the TV on school days, and taken a break from extracurricular activities, our kids have had a lot more flex time in the evenings. Instead of replacing that TV time with something productive for our family, up until now it’s just been free play time. For us, too. (Free play on Facebook, reading a novel, taking a catnap.)

We thought about all this free time that has been wasted. Which is probably no different than if we’d left the TV on. Together, we decided to leverage this pocket of time to take care of one of our big rocks. Intentional parenting.

The calendar had four days that were, as a general rule, free and clear of major commitments. Four evenings that we could spend investing in our children.

So we booked it, scheduled it on the calendar, and wrote it in stone (well, Outlook). Small pockets of time…just 30 minutes 4 days of the week. And by the kids’ reactions to this scheduled time, they are feeling invested in. They are feeling loved. And they are not only learning to love God and others, but they’re learning some tools that they can use when their time comes to be parents.

More about what we do on those four nights next week…

Tell me, what are the “big rocks” in your life?

Do you feel like they’re receiving priority?

Is there anything you’d like to change?

Filed Under: parenting, real life, TV December 8, 2011 By Tyler Rowan Leave a Comment

There is no Plan B

I don’t know about you, but I’m big on having a ‘Plan B.’ You know, just in case ‘Plan A’ doesn’t go quite as expected.

In some cases, having a back-up plan is a good idea. For example, life insurance. I think that’s a ‘Plan B’ we can all agree on. Just in case ‘Plan A’ – staying alive for a long, long time – doesn’t work out, carrying life insurance to provide for our loved ones is solid planning.

Other times, though, I find I hang onto a ‘Plan B’ that is more sentimental than practical. One example I can think of is from my teen years. (Please note: I do not adhere to the following policy any more.) Boyfriends used to be disposable in my life. We’d hang out for 3-4 months, then I’d find myself getting bored…or too attached…or distracted. Occasionally he’d be the one who’d move on. Either way, it was never a big worry for me. Nope. Because I had a ‘Plan B.’ There was always another guy – one who liked me, or who I liked, just enough to know that it wasn’t a far stretch to becoming a couple. I cannot think of many guys I dated in high school that weren’t my back-up plans. If I break-up with so-and-so, then I can just go out with such-and-such. I’ll never need to be alone (or lonely) if I’ve always got a backup plan.

This morning I was reading in Kings, and it occurred to me that we often hang onto a ‘Plan B’ when it comes to God. We’re ready to be obedient and go where He calls us, but we keep a safety net below us…just in case God lets us fall down. Maybe He’s asking us to make a drastic change – like give up TV – so we do, eventually, but we keep the old televisions in the garage…just in case. Or He calls us to tithe to His Church, but we wait. Just a few months to be sure there’s some money in savings first. It’s too risky to give all that money away every month without having some put aside for an emergency.

I can’t count how many times I’ve gone forward with God, but still hanging onto my backup plan.

Elisha (in Kings) sets an example I think we should all strive for. Elijah came to him and put his cloak over Elisha’s shoulders – this was his way of telling Elisha God was calling him to join Elijah in his work, prophesying to the Israelites. Elisha didn’t doubt, question, wait, or create backup plans. When Elijah came to him, Elisha was plowing his fields (with the help of many oxen). You know what Elisha did? “He took his yoke of oxen and slaughtered them. He burned the plowing equipment to cook the meat and gave it to the people, and they ate. Then he set out to follow Elijah and became his attendant.” ~I Kings 19:19-21

Can you believe that? The thought of it makes me a little bit queasy! Here’s what I wrote in the margin of my Bible, “Elisha didn’t just go where God said, he destroyed anything that might lure him to turn back.” Isn’t that what we’re doing when we hang onto our ‘Plan B?’ We’re just leaving something lingering, something to tempt us to turn back as soon as things get tough. God never promised that things would be easy when we follow Him, in fact He warns us that they will be difficult (James 1:2, Philippians 3:10, and many more). But we’re to persist, persevere, keep on following Him. How much easier would it be to do that if we didn’t have something to go back to? If we didn’t have that safety net to fall into? If the only thing that remained was HIM?!

So, the next time God calls you to do something, I challenge you to do it wholeheartedly. Drop everything, and follow. Wait – don’t just drop everything – burn it all! (Figuratively.) Don’t make a ‘Plan B,’ let nothing hold you back. Leave yourself nothing to turn back to, so that your only option is to move ahead and follow Him. I’ll try it, too… We can go together, hand-in-hand with Jesus, with nothing but ‘Plan A.’

* A re-post from the archives.

Filed Under: His Word, my walk, writing December 7, 2011 By Tyler Rowan 3 Comments